What I feared came true. I came in last place. Well, second to last- I guess. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and almost wished I hadn't even run the silly thing. I know I should feel proud that I at least ran, and I know a handful of people who have never even tried, but I don't feel proud. I feel foolish. I wish I would have known what kind of time limit the "last place" typically clocked in at, and I think I would have pushed myself harder to clock in before that mark. It's a crappy way of looking at it, that I didn't try hard enough in the first place, but I think had I known, I could have found that extra push. Maybe I wouldn't have? I'll never know.
I know what this means though... It means I need to register for another 5k in a couple of months and work towards blowing that time out of the water. I need to increase my cardio without re-injuring my shins, and I need to do it pronto! The past few months while training, perhaps a little "too" hard (I was running/jogging/walking a 5k 6 days a week- continually trying to decrease my finish time) I developed shin splints. This was something my body was not accustomed to. Most people I talked to dealt with them at some point in their childhood from sports; not me though! It's hard to develop shin splints while studying the 50 state capitals! My biggest fear is the shin splints creeping up again and having to take so much time off from training. My goal is to stick with the elliptical and arc trainers at the gym and work on strengthening my cardiovascular through intervals of high intensity on those machines. I think if I couple that with walking with a small incline for 3.1 miles on a treadmill, I'll help to fine tune myself for the next race.
I don't even have a desire to place in a race; I just want to see 'Lillian Forbes' somewhere in the middle of the results roster. Is that too much to ask?
2 comments:
I think you're being incredibly harsh on yourself. I can understand you're disappointed on one level, but there are so many other levels that you should consider this an achievement. For a start, you've completed something that not everyone has even attempted. The fact you put yourself in for this to begin with is something. Especially with the story you told earlier on this blog.
You've got to focus on the positives, not the negatives. You did it, you completed it and next time, you'll strive to do better. Don't beat yourself up over it, as that won't get you anywhere, certainly not past the finishing post!
Hey Lilly
I don't even know you but I just want to tell you - GIRL, YOU RAN A 5 K!!! WOW! That is one of my goals that I am not even sure about ever making. You RAN a 5 K!! That is really awesome!
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