Ran My First 5K!

::Cue the Rocky theme song::

Well, after much anxiety, doubt, training, injury, more training, and even more anxiety I did it! The 5k Run is now checked off my bucket list. In all actuality, I completed something I never imagined I would ever do. I've never been an athletic person. I never was a "runner", and I certainly wasn't an active child. I was actually always discouraged from doing anything nonacademic. If it wasn't school related, it didn't matter much- and when it came to physical activity I was always told I couldn't do it because I was clumsy. Great way to build up coordination, right?

Well, a silent little hats off to me. I did it, when I'm sure most didn't think I could. Hell, I know I didn't have faith in myself at times. If you told me I'd run in a 5k a year ago, I'd ask you what the hell you were smoking. So I am glad that I did it. And yes, it is addicting, and yes I do want to sign up for another now.

I definitely am glad that everything I worried about was just worry and not anything that actually happened during the race. I mean, I worried about anything and everything I could worry about. What if I fall? What if I twist my ankle? What if I faint? What if I burn out halfway through? What if I finish but the clock has already stopped ticking minutes? What if I finish in last place? What if I get lost along the way?!! Yeah, I definitely had a nightmare that I was running the race and then got lost towards the end, and wound up climbing a rope (yes, a rope!) because I was convinced that the finish line was at the top of the rope! Luckily there were no ropes. Just people along the way yelling out your time at the mile markers.

I completed the race in 47:50, which is nothing to boast about- but it was my first time, and 4 months ago I had never even "run". Hell, a month ago I'd never even run outside! I was a treadmill gal! So yeah I can be a little proud of that time. I feel a lot better now that it's been a few hours since the race ended. Ask me how I felt immediately after crossing the finish line.

For some reason I felt horrible. I actually felt like crying, and not tears of happiness. I don't know why I am continually so damn hard on myself. I felt so bad about myself after I had finished. Was that just my subconscious that secretly doesn't want me to succeed trying to make me feel bad for actually succeeding? Who knows. All I know is, I got quiet, went to a quiet corner and just stood there for a little bit. I felt sick to my stomach and I don't entirely think it was from the exertion. After all, I had been running (I use the word running loosely- I do intervals of jogging, running, and walking) 3.1 miles every time I got on the treadmill or walked onto a track. My body was used to going that distance. I felt sick with nerves. Sick with sadness. I don't know. Maybe I was mourning the old Lily. Maybe I'm evolving into a beautiful fitness butterfly. Maybe I just need to cut myself some slack! Once again, who knows!

All I know is, I never want to feel that way again. I don't want to feel bad about myself for actually accomplishing something. I want to relish in the fact that I accomplished something I set out to do. I think I'll start working more on my weight lifting again, as I do love weight lifting and rather than stress about 5k training, I will just sign up for a June race and see where life takes me by the time the race comes. I definitely stress myself out about anything and everything, so that task will probably be harder than the actual race.

For now, one day at a time. Less stress, more positives.