Week in Review

Tuesday April 20, 2010

Took a drive up to visit my Nana with my mother and sister today.  Had a lovely time visiting her, as I always do.  Something so relaxing about Nana's house.  It's warm, both heart-wise and heat-wise.  I swear there is no air circulation in that house, but it doesn't hit you all at once.  You walk in and you're fine, then about an hour later you feel your face and you're flush.  Next thing you know you're either waking up from an hour long nap, or you're dozing off on her couch.  

She has a new kitten and he is a riot- so full of energy and I swear he'll chase after anything.  It kind of makes me want to bring my cat over sometime for a play date- though I worry that my cat would be the victim in any relationship.  He's a lover not a fighter, if you don't believe me you should watch him cower in fear when he's looking out the window and sees a bird!

Wednesday April 21, 2010

Today I decided that I need to be strict with myself and start drinking more water.  I started noticing from my Food Journal for Weight Watchers that I wasn't even checking off my "daily 6 liquids" which could be anything aside from alcohol!  It seems crazy that an act as simple as staying hydrated could be so difficult, but seriously- I never really think about drinking until I'm actually thirsty, which by then is too late! 

  

I started drinking out of cups that I had measured the amount of ounces it could hold so that I could keep accurate track of my water consumption.  This worked out well.  I even got creative and started throwing in lemon slices to feel all fancy, mind over matter right?  

Aside from my battle with re-hydration, I just worked on some school work... the semester is coming to a close so quickly, that I'm just getting swamped with end of the semester papers and what not.  But it's a bittersweet time, this is my last semester as an Undergrad!

Thursday April 22, 2010

Today was a bust day with lots of errands.  Like a good little health-conscious gal, I packed my 32oz water bottle with me in the car and nursed it while I was out.  My first stop was at the Dentist to pick up my at home whitening kit and they showed me how to put on the teeth guard thingy and how to apply the whitening bleach properly.  In 12 more days I should have bright pearly whites!  I was a little disappointed at first when they showed me my original color and it was 2 away from the max color.  I was floored, actually.  Why didn't they tell me that BEFORE I shelled out the money for the kit?  Then, they continued (fortunately I held my tongue!) and showed me the bleach teeth chart and said my end result would be a bright bright white that is more comparable to the actual bleached teeth.  I told them, I just want teeth like Kate Gosselin!  That's all.  That woman has amazingly white teeth- and as a previous viewer of "+Ei8ht" I know she drinks a lot of coffee and had to have hers whitened- so therefore, it's entirely possible for me to sport a grin like hers :)
 
After that I headed down to my college to finalize some paperwork for my degree.  Talked to some folks about applying for their Education Graduate program (If I never mentioned it in a previous blog entry- I'm graduating with a double major in Education and Geography) and think I've settled it and will be going to the same college for my Master's degree.  I also got fitted for my cap and gown and received my little tassels (blue and green!) for my cap with a gold 2010 on them.  How surreal!  It's finally all coming to an end.  I'm finally graduating.  This will be a post for another day, but it's been a long journey.

After that, my sister and I did lunch on campus and split a sushi and an ice cream.  It was hot out, and we figured since we did well with just having sushi for lunch, what's a lil fro-yo!  It was delish, and at least low fat.. and hey!  Sharing is caring, isn't it?!

Friday April 23, 2010

Still going strong with my water drinking, and got outside for a walk today.  Rob was at work all day today so it gave me a chance to get a little more caught up on my homework without the added distractions.  Not that he is a distraction, but I just find it easy to distract myself when someone else is around.  After all, doing homework is not the most exciting thing in the world!

Aside from the fact that it's Weigh-In Eve, not much fun is to be had, at least not water retaining fun! I got to bed early because early to bed, early to rise... and get weighed in!

Saturday April 24, 2010

Went to my Weight Watchers meeting, got weighed in and lost 1.2lb!  Not too bad since I don't feel like I was deprived of anything, and I certainly wasn't perfect!  I hope next week is even better, since it's all about learning curves and I'm just getting used to watching what I eat a little closer.  Before I was more along the lines of, if I can chew it, swallow it, and still keep it down- then I should go for it!  Those WLS (Weight loss surgery) patients out there know what I'm talking about!

Sunday April 25, 2010

Well, I found us 2 bikes!  Walmart had a pretty good deal that I couldn't ignore so I ordered then up.  $100 each didn't seem to bad for a Mongoose, so we got matching his and hers ones!  We're not THAT nauseating, but it just so happened they had the same one I picked out for men as well, so he chose that one.  The two pictures of bikes are the actual ones we ordered.  The white and pink is mine, and the yellow and black one is his.  One may think we're crazy for ordering them online without testing them out in a store first- but to be honest, I haven't stepped foot on a bike in a little over 10 years, and he hasn't in about 8.  What kind of judge would we be anyways?!  It's got a seat, two wheels, handle bars, and pedals- that's all I need! 

Monday April 26, 2010

Went clothes shopping with SUCCESS today!  I hardly ever GO clothing shopping and come home happy.  Typically I buy most of my stuff online, try it on in the comforts of my own house and then return 75% of the stuff I don't like to the store.  But not today!  Today, on a whim, I went out with a friend who needed to buy some shorts.  I figured I'd try on a couple pairs as well, since I'm in desperate need of summer clothes this year.  Not in a bad way, my clothes from last summer are too big, lil NSV there!  *Non-Scale Victory for those not hip to the weight loss lingo.

I tried on a pair of Bermudas and realized I didn't look like a giant dork in them!  Bonus!  Then I also got the classic regular shorts, and was daring so I grabbed a pair of cropped black leggings with lace on the trim, and an over-sized shirt to pair with them.  I bought 'em on impulse and tried them on at home.  HOW CUTE!  I love them!  They look especially nice paired up with my gladiator sandals.  This is the first time in as long as I can remember where I intentionally tried to dress all cute and trendy and was actually happy with the outcome.  I could get used to this.

Tuesday April 27, 2010

Went food shopping today and came home minutes before Rob did from work.  I came in toting bags of produce (as you can see scattered across the table) and he came home toting a big bouquet of flowers!  This is why I love him so much.  He constantly surprises me in some way.  He's not the average romantic, lovey dovey type.  He's an ex-marine, so you know- not to stereotype, but he's not one for writing me poetry and lighting candles all over the bedroom.  He does however have his moments.  When he told me how he ordered the flowers at the florist he said, "It's not her birthday, or our anniversary, and I'm not in trouble- I just love her and want to give her something that smells nice and looks pretty.  I trust your judgment."  I laughed because yep, that's Rob.  I could see the lady questioning roses or tulips, lilies or orchids and him just going "ut tut tut.. Just make 'em look nice".

I was planning on making dinner that night anyways, but figured I would make it a little more special that night after the flowers, so I grilled on the barbecue!  No ribs, pork or burgers though.  He's not THAT lucky!  After all, they're only flowers- not a good enough excuse to kill our healthy eating streak!

I took skewers and lined them with green bell peppers, vidalia onions, mushrooms, fresh cut pineapple, and chopped chicken breasts.  The chicken breasts I seasoned with a rub of garlic powder, cumin, chili powder, coriander, cayenne pepper, onion powder, and a touch of black pepper.  They took on a wonderful earth tone color and almost looked as though they had been marinating all day!  

Grilling them was easy, and the flavors just popped when you de-skewered them and topped them over rice.  I forgot to take a picture of it but I also made a wonderfully delicious homemade salsa inspired by Former Fat Dude.  I chopped up tomatoes, onion, and a couple jalapenos and mixed in a can of cannellini beans.  Drizzled a tiny amount of extra virgin olive oil over it and sprinkled a little garlic salt and pepper and let the flavors marinate in the fridge while I grilled.  Everything was delicious, it was a great dinner and a lovely evening.  Sometimes it's nice to stop focusing on negatives and just live in the moment and enjoy the good things in life.  Today was one of those days.

Wednesday April 28, 2010

After giving it some thought, I decided that I would enter a challenge!  Muscle & Fitness Hers magazine is having a Transformation Challenge, where you post your before photos and measurements and then have 8 weeks to follow their nutrition and fitness plan, and then follow up with your after photos and measurements.  They stated that this is a contest for the most transformed regarding loss of body fat and gain of lean muscle.  

As I've mentioned in the past, I LOVE weight lifting.  I love everything about it.  I like feeling strong, and I like working myself out real hard without ever having to step foot on a treadmill.  I know I need to shed off some of the fat that is covering up my muscles, but that comes in time and can coincide with the actual building of muscles.  Remember, muscles burn fat at rest! 

So I've decided to bite the bullet and sign up!  What's the worst that could happen?  I lose some weight, gain some muscle, and don't win?  Oh no!  Not weight loss and muscle gain!  I'm excited to start this challenge and will blog all along the way.  Be prepared for a plethora of nutrition tips and exercise tips that I do in preparation of this transformation that I hope to have.  When the 8 week challenge ends, it officially starts May 17 and ends some time in July, I will be expecting you all to vote for me! 

Keep the comments coming, the facebook messages, and the tweets!  I can use all the support I can get with this endeavor! 

Lazy Sunday

Lazy, lazy Sunday! I had a relaxing evening last night, and perhaps drank a little too much wine. I did save points for it though! I journeyed everything I ate and calculated out all my points to allow myself to indulge last night. Go figure, I haven’t had a drink in over two months for no real reason, then the day I join Weight Watchers I decide I want to unwind with a bottle of wine!

Rob and I saw the movie, Date Night last night. I have to say, Steve Carell is one of the funniest men in Hollywood right now. I am bias of course because I am a ridiculously huge fan of The Office, but seriously- every movie he signs on for is amazing! Tina Fey is also no stranger to comedy, and I find her a hoot as well. I don’t know if they’re both in relationships or are married to other people or not, but if they’re both single I sincerely hope they get married to each other! They were just so funny together in the movie they make a perfect pair. 

I’ve been jotting down a little list of mini challenges I am giving myself. On this list is: drinking at least 8 cups of water a day, going to bed earlier, waking up earlier, tracking everything that goes in my mouth (edible- perverts), walk 10,000 steps, and to get in some type of daily physical activity. I won’t try to tackle all of these at once, but I will continue to introduce the challenge of a new one every time I meet the challenge for 1 week straight. The first challenge I am going to attempt is drinking at least 8 cups of water a day. This is a no brainer and I really should already be doing this, but sadly I admit I am not. I’d also like to add, only stepping on my home scale once a week. This will be the toughest challenge for me yet. But I think with an official weigh in every Saturday, I should realistically be able to control myself and only utilize my home scale once a week. I think I will make Wednesday my in home weigh day. A nice middle of the week weight to see where I’m at. That way if I see my weight is creeping up I can nip it in the bud before Saturday. I’m a frequent victim of water retention, so if I see my weight spike I typically know I need to drink more water and flush myself out and then steer clear of high salt/sodium foods.

Tomorrow I plan on waking up before noon and am going to go to the gym. I would like to start strength training again, and throw in some cardio. I will blog about what a day in the gym looks like for me tomorrow. I’m also hoping for the weather to be kind to us because I talked my mother and sister into walking a local bike/walking trail with me. 

Tomorrow is a day of big things! I’m also going to attempt to cook quinoa! I finally managed to buy a box of it and after looking at the nutritional info I questioned how I’ve managed this long without it! It has SO MUCH fiber and protein! Something that generally takes the place of rice in an entrée having this much fiber AND protein should be illegal! It’s great! Now if only I knew how to cook it… I’ve been looking up recipes on how to prepare it and have utilized the bariatrictv.com forums for some great tips from great people I know and trust.

In other non-weight loss related news, I’ve decided to look into taking up another hobby. After chatting with someone from the bariatrictv.com forums on Facebook, I found out you can take knitting classes at JoAnn Fabrics. I’ve always wanted to learn how to knit and I think it would be a great way to relieve stress and also do something that doesn’t involve stuffing your face! So in the next coming days I’m going to look into if my local JoAnn Fabrics offers these classes and if so when are they offered. I’m typically always cold so I just think it would be so neat if I could just knit myself a blanket while I lay under it on the couch!

Quote of the Day: Energy and persistence conquer all things.

Benjamin Franklin

Judgment Day!

Woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy... Okay, I have to admit, I was excited to go to my first Weight Watchers meeting- well my first meeting in about 7 or 8 years!  I went to the Saturday morning meeting at 10 am!  Now that is early to me!  Something I need to work on.  With summer quickly approaching, I’d like to start getting a morning walk/jog in on a daily basis, and in order to do that I’ll need to get out there before the sun starts getting HOT, which unfortunately happens before noon!  

So I went to the meeting and filled out my paperwork.  They took my height, and I’ve grown taller!  I’m not sure I believe this, but apparently I am 5’5” now!  For as long as I can remember I was 5’3.5” and then every so often people were measuring me at 5’4”… not that I have the tendency to ask people to randomly measure me or anything!  But they definitely notated me as 5’5”; maybe my bones are elongating- clearly from all the extra milk I’ve been drinking.  I’ll have Rob measure me later this week and see what he gets for my height.  
  

I would add a cute little image of the scale and its weight like my friend and fellow blogger Jason Shand does, but as any other weight watcher will know, you never see the weight on the scale, just whatever they print in your book.  It’s good and bad.  It’s good because that means no one else can see it but the person who works there, but bad because your mind starts to play tricks on you.  “I gained a pound this week?!  It must have been because I didn’t greet the lady working behind the counter with a giant grin.  She tweaked the numbers!”  It’s never because you decided you deserved two slices of cake at your nephew’s birthday party!

So you’ll just have to take my word for it.  Which should be good enough since if I were going to lie I’d have said my initial weigh in was 120lbs!  At least I’m honest…  So, my starting weight is, 222.4.  Lucky number 2, I guess.  I can’t argue this number though, it’s about 5 lbs heavier than my scale at home, so it’s about spot on.   

To take a brief inventory, 

I drank 2 cups of coffee 

And at the time of weigh-in I was wearing:

• sweatpants
• t-shirt 
• bra 
• underwear 
• socks
• sneakers 
• Pair of sunglasses (on top of my head- that I forgot about!)
• 2 Pairs of Earrings (diamond studs not shown)
• 3 rings  
• A watch and a bracelet 

 

  

One would question why I would take notice of every little thing I was wearing, or wear so much for that matter.  I figure if I get weighed in at the same time every week, in the same stuff- it should pose for a pretty accurate number.  And that’s why I’ve taken inventory!

So Weight Watchers has changed a little since I have been there last, nearly a decade ago.  They still use a point system, which is nice and easy to understand and put into play.  They still promote drinking water and tracking everything you eat.  They also promote getting physical exercise nearly every day of the week.  It’s all the key ingredients to a healthy lifestyle program.  Some of the flaws I felt Weight Watchers had in the past was that realistically, you could eat cake all day long, as long as you kept it in your daily point intake, and then just munch on 0 point lettuce and veggies the rest of the day.  Not exactly the healthiest way to go about nutrition!  Now, however, they have addressed this issue.  Now you use your daily points to calculate “nutritious” foods only, and you check off any “filling” foods- foods such as lean meats, fibrous foods, fruits and vegetables.  Any food that is not nutritious gets checked off from your “weekly points allowance”.  You get 35 of these points every week to use at your own discretion.  However, that butter on your toast, is not nutritious, so you best be checking off a couple points under your weekly points allowance!  Interesting concept, huh?

I’m curious to see how this goes over the next month or two.  I never mentioned to anyone there that I have been “altered”.  That is, that I have had bariatric surgery.  That is, that I have a miniature belt permanently cinched around my internal stomach to keep me from eating as much and from being hungry as quickly.  I’m not ashamed of my surgery; I just am somewhat of a private person.  Yes, me, Shrinking Lily, she who puts all of her emotions and experiences out there for all the world to read in an online blog.  In person, I am more private- trust me, if I could see your faces right now, I may not be as open!  I figure I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.  If I start dropping astronomical numbers every week and they start questioning me about it, I will fess up.  Until then, that’s between me, my surgeon, and all of you guys!

I am glad I went to Weight Watchers today though.  It was nice to be around other women and men who are also trying to lose weight.  It was nice celebrating weight loss victories with others, and along with a couple of other newcomers being welcomed by the group.  It feels like a supportive bunch and the meeting leader is everything my friend talked her up to be!  Each day is a new beginning and I will own it no matter what.

What does protein, snoring, and grad school all have in common?

As I promised, a review on GNC’s 100% Whey Unflavored Protein Powder.  All I can say is wow!  I’ve looked into unflavored protein powders before and typically find them to be just a little too expensive to just test out.  I’ve been dying to try one however because I go through phases with my protein powders and just seem to get sick of one quickly and without any advance notice.  I’ll be fine for a week or two and then all of a sudden one day I’ll make a shake, take two sips, and then it’ll sit there staring at me for the rest of the day while I try to avoid making eye contact with it. 

I gave this powder a try on sheer impulse.  I was in GNC picking up Rob some melatonin supplements.  He has trouble staying falling asleep and staying asleep so he decided to give this a try, I don’t know how I feel about it.  He seems to be sleeping more soundly, because he’s snoring a lot more and for a lot longer.  So that’s great for him, not so much for me.  Since he started taking it, I’ve found it near impossible for me to fall asleep and then even harder to stay asleep because someone is buzz sawing trees in bed next to me!  I, of course, feel bad- but told him I’d buy him some breath-right strips if he were adamant on taking the melatonin. 

Oh, so back to the powder!  I manage to sidetrack myself a lot, as you’ll notice if you continue reading my blog!  So there I was, in GNC, and I see the big SALE sign.  I’m not easily led, but I am easy to talk into things, and sales are a weakness of mine.  I mosey on over to the big red sale sign to see what they’re offering at a discount and it’s an entire wall of GNC brand protein powder!  I looked through; chocolate, strawberry, vanilla- boring I have a cabinet full of these flavors!  I keep perusing; banana cream, yuck, latte, I have my Click thank you very much, unflavored, more strawb… wait a minute!  Unflavored!!  Well, at $22.99 for a 2lb container of unflavored, I had to give it a whirl!  I’m so glad I did.  

I took 1 scoop of the unflavored protein powder and mixed it with a small amount of water, real small- no more than 3-4 tablespoons if I were to guess.  I stirred that up and it dissolved pretty fast and effortlessly.  I then added it to my morning Starbucks coffee, which I had iced the night before and had already sweetened with a packet of equal.  Stirred it up and topped it off with a little Hood Fat Free Nondairy Creamer.  It was delicious!  It tasted like my morning coffee!  It didn’t taste like my morning coffee with a scoop of protein powder, it just tasted right.  I can see myself becoming a fan of morning coffee with an added 21g of protein punch to it!

Aside from my protein escapades, today was pretty low key for me.  Worked on some of my schoolwork, which frightens me to even think about.  This semester is coming to a close so quickly and it’s my last semester as an undergrad!  Yes, Lily is graduating this May!  I need to really start looking into Graduate schools if I expect to go somewhere else for my Masters degree.  Part of me does not want to stay at my current school because of all the incompetence that I am constantly complaining about when it comes to screwing up paperwork for me.  But the other part of me wants to stay there because it’s familiar, I’m using to complaining about it, I know the campus, and I don’t have to do much in order to sign up for Grad school since I have a rockin’ GPA there.  I’m going to meet with someone this coming week to talk to them about the graduate programs.  It would be nice to bang out a class or two at the grad level this summer. 

Tomorrow marks the first day of weigh-ins!  I’m a little nervous but at the same time, I am a scale whore and already know pretty accurately what I way, but that of course is in the buff first thing in the morning.  This will be a whole new beast, after breakfast, in my clothes, and jewelry, AND SOCKS!  Oh my, clearly my accessories will add about 20-25lbs of excess weight, give or take.   But this is what it is all about right?  Being honest with myself and with all of you.  I can’t see progress until I embrace the present and embrace change.  I will love myself today as I am, and will love myself even more tomorrow wherever I will be.  Though I wish I could fast forward to next Saturday and see how much I’ve lost!

Will You Marrow Me?

Let me explain... My sister and I had a plan to have a relaxing day shopping and handling some exchanges (because I am an online shopaholic and always buy outfits in 2 sizes since there's no internet dressing room!) at the mall today.  We were walking through the mall with our reusable insulated coffee cups on account of it being Tax Day!  What does Tax Day have to do with coffee cups, you ask?  Starbucks!  

The lovely folks at Starbucks were offering free coffee if you brought in your reusable cup today, so I made sure we packed ours up.  I'll never turn down a free cup of coffee!  To our surprise we saw a sign advertising free Sweet Tea from Chik-fil-a as well.  Of course we had to pay them a visit and quench our thirst, I ordered mine unsweetend instead, don't worry!  

So with that kick of caffeine, we rounded another wing of the mall.  That's when I noticed two women in lab coats standing at a table and something just made me approach them.  They didn't run up to me offering to scrub my hands with salt from the dead seas, or try to urge me to indulge in a 15 minute massage at a kiosk in the middle of the mall, or even to switch my cell phone provider.  Something just drew me over to them while they stood there smiling but not saying anything.  I'm glad whatever force urged me to go over there did.  They were part of the Caitlin Raymond International Registry

I had no idea what that was or what it meant, so I inquired.  That's when I learned that they are an international registry for bone marrow and stem cell donors.  Applying to be a potential bone marrow donor was always something I thought about, how amazing would it be to know you have the chance to save someone's life?  It was always just a thought, but I never knew how to go about doing something like that.  I am so grateful that they were there today and that I stopped by.  I was able to fill out the paper work and they took a couple of DNA swabs right there and it was really that easy!  They told me it's a 1 in 30,000 chance that I would actually be a match for someone, but hey- I've always had good luck! I would be honored to donate in hopes of saving someone's life.  How amazing would it be to know you did something so selfless and how life impacting it could be for someone else?  It makes me feel so good knowing I'm just in the registry and could possibly be able to do that for someone else.

When I told my boyfriend and my mother, the first thing they both said was, "Oh wow, isn't that extremely painful though?".  That was something I had always heard, but even back then that never seemed to bother me much.  A temporary pain is so worth it if it meant saving somebody's life.  Do you know how painful it is to have cancer?  I'm pretty sure it hurts an awful lot more (physically and emotionally) than donating bone marrow.  But what is even more miraculous is how different the procedure can be now.  Thanks to technology, you are able to donate the blood stem cells through blood.  This is called peripheral blood stem cell donation.  You undergo a procedure called apheresis, it's similar to dialysis; you're set up to 2 IV's, your blood comes out, they remove the stem cells, and then it is piped right back into you!  Occasionally they still have to attempt the more painful procedure by extracting the stem cells from the bone marrow in your hipbone, but that is becoming less and less often due to the ease of the new procedure.

Moving onto an entirely different topic... I bought new protein powder!  I have been fighting a never ending battle with protein powders.  I literally have an entire cabinet full of various tubs of protein powder, most of which I'm fine to drink once and a while, but then I get horribly bored of the chalky taste (even when they originally don't taste chalky! Mind over matter folks...).  While at the mall I stopped in GNC and noticed they were having a sale on their brand of protein powders.  I jumped at the chance to finally try an unflavored protein powder for such a good price, $22.99 for a 2lb tub!  I will review it in my blog tomorrow after trying it.  I also plan on writing a blog dedicated solely to my endeavors with protein powders this weekend, so keep a lookout for that.  I'm always open to any opinions you may on protein powders and which you prefer so feel free to post in the comment section.

I'm going to wrap up tonight's entry with an apology.  Of course, you can tell by my procrastination of the subject that I was hesitant to mention it but I know I made a promise!  My official weigh in weight...  Well, you all will just have to keep visiting the blog to find out!  I ended up not going to Weight Watchers this morning because a friend of mine suggested I hold off until Saturday and go during a time when a specific meeting leader would be running the meeting.  She assured me that this woman is worth the wait, so we'll see in 2 days if she's all that my friend hyped her up to be!  I did however step on the scale this morning, but I'll keep that to myself- I know my Weight Watchers weigh in weight will be 3-4 lbs heavier on account of clothing so I don't want to leave you with the impression that I spontaneously gain 4lbs every 2 days! 

'Weighing' My Options

I got to thinking, this is a blog about my weight loss journey and I've never even mentioned my weight. How taboo, a woman talking about her weight! I'm not entirely sure I want to, but at the same time- how would anyone ever know of my progress?! I guess I could just say very generally, "Oh lost 2 lbs this week.." or "Oh went up 1lb this week.." but I think that isn't as impressive as "I weight 124 this week, I lost 2lbs!" which of course is completely and utterly false!

I've thought about finding some type of support for a couple of weeks now. For anyone who has ever truly tried, the weight loss journey can make you feel really alone. I watch everyone I care about eat whatever they want and never see the scale move, while I count my calories, measure my portions (okay, I'm lying- I *should* measure but I rarely ever do!), and watch what I eat and I just watch the scale fluctuate 1-2lbs depending on how much sodium was in my meal the day before.

After much contemplation, I think I am going to join a Weight Watchers group. I think it be beneficial to me to be around other women (and sometimes men!) who are also attempting to achieve the same thing I am. I could use helpful tips and a forum to talk about my struggles and to listen to how others have overcome them. I found a group that meets Thursday morning, so I've marked it on my calendar and plan to attend it. Anyone who is familiar with Weight Watchers knows they have a "weekly weigh-in" which typically occurs the day you attend your meeting. I'll use that as my basis for progress. So mark your calendars, Thursday I'll find out my *starting* weight! I guess you all will too. It makes me cringe to think about it!

The Day After...

Well, I was able to see the results from the 5k and I must admit- I was better off not seeing them. I don't know why I let silly things get to me, but I do and now I feel even worse. If it's possible, I feel worse now than I did immediately after finishing the race. The results only showed those who finished in under 60 minutes, so perhaps there were folks that finished much after me, but I was basically second to last. Of course my support team and I all came in around the same time, seconds to spare but after that there was no one for almost 10 minutes, and that was the one in last place before the timer stopped.

What I feared came true. I came in last place. Well, second to last- I guess. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and almost wished I hadn't even run the silly thing. I know I should feel proud that I at least ran, and I know a handful of people who have never even tried, but I don't feel proud. I feel foolish. I wish I would have known what kind of time limit the "last place" typically clocked in at, and I think I would have pushed myself harder to clock in before that mark. It's a crappy way of looking at it, that I didn't try hard enough in the first place, but I think had I known, I could have found that extra push. Maybe I wouldn't have? I'll never know.

I know what this means though... It means I need to register for another 5k in a couple of months and work towards blowing that time out of the water. I need to increase my cardio without re-injuring my shins, and I need to do it pronto! The past few months while training, perhaps a little "too" hard (I was running/jogging/walking a 5k 6 days a week- continually trying to decrease my finish time) I developed shin splints. This was something my body was not accustomed to. Most people I talked to dealt with them at some point in their childhood from sports; not me though! It's hard to develop shin splints while studying the 50 state capitals! My biggest fear is the shin splints creeping up again and having to take so much time off from training. My goal is to stick with the elliptical and arc trainers at the gym and work on strengthening my cardiovascular through intervals of high intensity on those machines. I think if I couple that with walking with a small incline for 3.1 miles on a treadmill, I'll help to fine tune myself for the next race.

I don't even have a desire to place in a race; I just want to see 'Lillian Forbes' somewhere in the middle of the results roster. Is that too much to ask?

Ran My First 5K!

::Cue the Rocky theme song::

Well, after much anxiety, doubt, training, injury, more training, and even more anxiety I did it! The 5k Run is now checked off my bucket list. In all actuality, I completed something I never imagined I would ever do. I've never been an athletic person. I never was a "runner", and I certainly wasn't an active child. I was actually always discouraged from doing anything nonacademic. If it wasn't school related, it didn't matter much- and when it came to physical activity I was always told I couldn't do it because I was clumsy. Great way to build up coordination, right?

Well, a silent little hats off to me. I did it, when I'm sure most didn't think I could. Hell, I know I didn't have faith in myself at times. If you told me I'd run in a 5k a year ago, I'd ask you what the hell you were smoking. So I am glad that I did it. And yes, it is addicting, and yes I do want to sign up for another now.

I definitely am glad that everything I worried about was just worry and not anything that actually happened during the race. I mean, I worried about anything and everything I could worry about. What if I fall? What if I twist my ankle? What if I faint? What if I burn out halfway through? What if I finish but the clock has already stopped ticking minutes? What if I finish in last place? What if I get lost along the way?!! Yeah, I definitely had a nightmare that I was running the race and then got lost towards the end, and wound up climbing a rope (yes, a rope!) because I was convinced that the finish line was at the top of the rope! Luckily there were no ropes. Just people along the way yelling out your time at the mile markers.

I completed the race in 47:50, which is nothing to boast about- but it was my first time, and 4 months ago I had never even "run". Hell, a month ago I'd never even run outside! I was a treadmill gal! So yeah I can be a little proud of that time. I feel a lot better now that it's been a few hours since the race ended. Ask me how I felt immediately after crossing the finish line.

For some reason I felt horrible. I actually felt like crying, and not tears of happiness. I don't know why I am continually so damn hard on myself. I felt so bad about myself after I had finished. Was that just my subconscious that secretly doesn't want me to succeed trying to make me feel bad for actually succeeding? Who knows. All I know is, I got quiet, went to a quiet corner and just stood there for a little bit. I felt sick to my stomach and I don't entirely think it was from the exertion. After all, I had been running (I use the word running loosely- I do intervals of jogging, running, and walking) 3.1 miles every time I got on the treadmill or walked onto a track. My body was used to going that distance. I felt sick with nerves. Sick with sadness. I don't know. Maybe I was mourning the old Lily. Maybe I'm evolving into a beautiful fitness butterfly. Maybe I just need to cut myself some slack! Once again, who knows!

All I know is, I never want to feel that way again. I don't want to feel bad about myself for actually accomplishing something. I want to relish in the fact that I accomplished something I set out to do. I think I'll start working more on my weight lifting again, as I do love weight lifting and rather than stress about 5k training, I will just sign up for a June race and see where life takes me by the time the race comes. I definitely stress myself out about anything and everything, so that task will probably be harder than the actual race.

For now, one day at a time. Less stress, more positives.

The Night Before the Race

Well, it's the night before the 5K and I'm getting anxious! I don't really know what to expect, so of course I am expecting the worst. I just can't wait for tomorrow to be over so that I can stop worrying about all the what if's that could happen.

A 5k may not seem like that big of a deal to some of you, but to me- it's uncharted territory. I've never done anything like this before. I've actually never done anything competitive in my life. I'll be running with Rob and my trainer, they're both coming to support me, which is nice. I'm partially embarrassed at the same time however. I know I will be slowly them down. My trainer of course can run faster and for greater distances than I can. As for my boyfriend, he was a Marine, he's done the distance running far too many times, and also he used to run competitively all through his school years and in high school. This is nothing new to him.

Part of me wishes I had just signed up alone and would be running it alone. I find it so hard to accept that there are people out there who are proud of me, for even the littlest of things I can accomplish. I find it strange that people want to support me, because quite simply, I'm not used to it. I've always sort of been my own rock, it's probably how I managed to lose weight and gain it all back 3 or 4 times.

Here's to tomorrow, whatever may come of it.

Straight from the Horse's Mouth

I couldn't retell this any better than I did when I typed it on my laptop in the hospital at 4am after just having my surgery.  I was too scared to sleep that night, as I'd never spent a night in a hospital before- plus there was a man two doors down from me screaming to the Lord Jesus Christ himself, that they were killing him and he needed help!  All.. night.. long...

The two surgeons who did my procedure

Surgery! 1st day post-op! --Still at the hospital--

on January 24, 2009 4:08 am

Published

Well, I had my surgery on Friday morning/afternoon.  All went very smoothly and very well.  There were 5 incisions total (including the port).  I was a little sad that it took 5 and not 4, but it is what it is.  The Dr said it went great with no complications, and everyone said I had the best attitude they'd seen and that it will for sure help in my recovery.

Right when I got to the hospital at 10am, I was admitted for the IV and all that jazz, when they told me I needed to pee in a cup for a mandatory pregnancy test.  OH NO!!  I truly wished I had known this in advance.. When you haven't drank anything since midnight the night before, and it's 10:30am, AND you peed right before you left the house, there's truly nothing left in your bladder, at least not mine :(  I have a nervous bladder anyways and always find it hard to pee in a cup, so I always need to know in advance to mentally prepare myself and make sure I have to go, real bad lol.  That's been my trick.  So anyways, they put in an IV after I spent 40 mins trying to pee, and pumped me full of 2 bags worth of liquids.. to no avail, no pee.  :(  I was so upset thinking my surgery was going to be postponed because of this.

The nurses were so sweet and understanding, especially one named Lillian.  What a coincidence!!  She told me if worst came to worst she would put in a catheter and get the sample that way.  She promised to use numbing gel and that no men would be in the room, and stuck to her promise and got it that way.  I was so grateful and relieved that she did this.  Never once did anyone make me feel bad for being a "dud" lol.  They did this right in the OR so I was able to scope out the joint.  That's when my nerves finally set in.  I was so nervous about the peeing thing that I was never able to worry about the surgery itself haha.  So for about 5 mins prior to giving me anethesia, I was shaking like mad.  It was uncontrollable I was so scared.  Then right when it hit me that it was about to start I started to cry.  My eyes welled up and I tried to hide it as I don't normally put my emotions out there for anyone aside from my close family and boyfriend.  Then I was told they were giving me medicine to make me feel good and then the anesthesia.  Well within 20 seconds of them saying that I felt like I had boozed the night away in the bar haha.  I even said that out loud and they all laughed.  I don't remember a single thing after that statement.  Which is just fine by me :)

I woke up in recovery, and just kept dozing on and off.  They kept me there till I seemed fully awake which wasn't until 4pm.  The whole time I kept feeling bad for making my family wait so long to see me and then I'd doze right off again!  It was nice finally getting to my room and seeing them.  My heart lit up when I saw my boyfriend and he held my hand for what seemed like forever. 

***

Then the pee saga set in.. again!  When I was finally feeling like I had to pee and felt I was conscious enough to get up, I did.  Well I tried, until the nurse gave me this "hat" in which hangs on the toilet and you pee into so that they can measure it!  Oh god, not this again!!  I'm in horrible pain, have to pee and now have to deal with this :(  So once again, couldn't pee.  For hours.  Finally I plead with the nurse about the other bathroom being too noisy (I have 4 people in my hospital room, ALL bearing guests at that moment)  She finds me a private empty room with a fresh clean bathroom.  I feel much more at ease.. Still can't pee though lol.  After 30 mins I finally do, but only a little drop.  I know I have to go way more than that though, so I wonder if it's mind over matter.  It was.  No sooner do I take the hat out, I unleash lol.  It felt great and I figured the nurses would rather I actually pee than hold it for a day cos of my pee anxiety.  I walk out and see the cleaning crew come dashing in, I tell them no no the nurse needs to come in and measure it (I didn't flush, so she could see the evidence of the rest).  By the time I see the nurse, I see the cleaning lady leave the bathroom.. She flushed the toilet and dumped the hat.  This effected me so badly, I started to break down in the hospital room.  I was so stressed about the situation anyways, and then this, I was afraid if they didn't document it, I wouldn't be able to go home.  I have a feeling the medicine and anesthesia wearing off played a factor in my freaking out over this trivial matter.  Needless to say, I definitely cried for about ten minutes because of this ordeal.

I calmed down and the nurse was very understanding and just had me guesstimate the amount.  After that anytime I had to pee I just went to my private little bathroom and ignored the "hat".  I didn't need anymore stress about that.  I was slightly displeased on my room situation.  1 bathroom and 4 people all in the same room.  There was just a half wall dividing the room, and each section was real small.  I always had to rearrange the room to maneuver my IV tree around as I walked by.  What killed me was right next door and like everywhere else were bigger 2 person rooms, and even private rooms!  With big TVs!  I got a 9 inch TV that was attached to my bed.  I'm so glad I brought my laptop and some DVDs.  And I was able to use the WIFI so I went onto Netflix and watched The Office all night :)

I dozed off for about 20 mins a few times but that was about it.  It was just weird being in a hospital.  And to make matters worse, some guy kept screaming in agony... ALL NIGHT LONG.  That freaked me out.  I did A LOT of walking and standing/pacing in my room.  I felt so much better when I was up and walking around and could feel the gas pockets move up and I was able to belch.  The lovely surgeons pump you full of gas so that they can move their instruments around easier, but then they just leave it in you!  So it basically feels like you have a horrible pain in your shoulder blade when the gas settles there.  Moving around is the best way to get it to release, hence the belching.

Rob left around midnight, it was nice that he was able to stay past the 8pm visiting hours.  The nurse who was ending her shift warned us that the night crew were kinda sticklers for visitors staying and would make a big deal about it so we decided it was best for Rob to go.  I missed him but did just fine on my own, better than I thought I would have.

My surgeon just paid me a visit, told me I did fine, and everything is great.  He said I was a model patient because I'm doing everything right, including walking- even though no one urged me to.  That made me feel good.  Right before he came in, I felt great.  I feel like this is the best decision I ever made, I can't believe it's finally happened, all my worrying is done now and I can go on living life.  Living a new and improved life :)  I'm so ready to start the next journey in my life.  I'm 25, full of life, and positive outlooks.  I can go home today around 10am too, yay!

Anyways, that's that!  I lost 16.2lbs prior to surgery, solely due from the mandatory 2-week all liquid diet, and I'm ready to keep the weight loss coming!  I can't wait to feel GOOD in a bathing suit this summer :)

The Process

In October of 2008 I went to a Weight Loss Surgery information session.  I had been doing my research online about surgery options and felt it was something I should find out more about.  I listened to everything they had to say at the session and decided I definitely wanted to go through with the Lap Band surgery.  I felt this was the tool I needed to give me that extra support in trying to lose my excess weight. 

I scheduled my required appointments with the Surgeon, the Nutritionist, the bariatric nurse, and made an appointment for a psychiatric evaluation test. They leave no stone unturned when a patient considers something as extreme as surgery.

By the end of November 2008 I had completed each appointment and went to my first of two mandatory support group meetings.  I went back to the Surgeon for another followup and he said I was good to go on getting a surgery date.  I felt relief and excitement and had flashes of myself in a bikini walking the beach. 

I was hoping I would have my surgery booked by the New Year so that I could have it done while still on winter break from college.  That semester I was taking 6 classes, but all of them were offered online, so it was a better time than any to have surgery and comfortably go through recovery while still being enrolled in school.

Christmas was soon approaching and I had just finished up what would be the worst semester in my 8 year long college career!  I had gained almost 10 pounds during the last couple of months of school because I never had a free minute to actually cook food.  I would literally sit down for 12-14 hours STRAIGHT at my computer writing papers, lesson plans, assessments, etc.  It was madness.  I barely had enough energy to go to class after pulling all-nighters, let alone go to the gym.  It was quite depressing to not have any time for any outlet of enjoyment.

 In late December 2008 I got the call for my surgery date,  it would be on January 23rd 2009.  Time flew by from that point; I was so busy around the holidays that I barely had anytime to truly let it all sink in.  After the holidays I realized I was having Lapband surgery in just weeks.  It seemed so surreal.  My nerves were starting to kick in, but it was understandable- it was my first time ever having surgery.  I was just looking forward to starting a new life and a new way of living.

How I Got to Where I Am Today

I struggled with my weight all of my life.  Sometimes it was up, sometimes it was down, sometimes it was way down and I thought I had reached success... only to see it slowly creep right back up.  I was at my wits end, and needed something to change.  I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) in 2005 and for anyone suffering from this, they know that getting the weight off was more of a challenge than it is to most, and to most they can agree- it's really quite hard!

Through the aid of medically supervised pill popping (I was prescribed Meridia) I was able to drop 50lbs.  It was much easier taking the Meridia than trying to lose the weight on my own, but it wasn't entirely effortless.  I was going to the gym 4-5 days a week and coupling strength training with cardio.  I was thrilled to see the progress.  I had been doing the same exercise routine before being prescribed Meridia and wasn't seeing much action on the scale at all.  Now that I was taking this wonder pill, the scale's numbers actually decreased!  It was amazing!

As we all know, all good things must come to an end.  I was pleased with where I was at, and was noticing that the Meridia wasn't having the same effect it had on me months prior, coupled with the fact that insurance wouldn't cover such a pill- I was content with ending my love affair with that delightful blue and white pill.  My wallet became heavier, especially since stopping the prescription to a pill that cost me nearly $100 a month.  As my wallet got heavier, so did my weight. 

I knew I couldn't live on pills for the rest of my days, but I never fully took responsible of  my own weight at that point.  I didn't increase my exercise and work to eat cleaner.  I just ignored the warning signs and stopped stepping on the scale.  I didn't increase my exercise or eat cleaner, instead I became more complacent.  Before I knew it, I gained it all back.